i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You work out of a Hotel?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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