miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
