Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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