so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
