We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
