New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
