i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
