So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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