so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
