so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
