I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
