I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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