remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
