I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
