I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
