Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
