Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I want a musical about memes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
