I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
