We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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