i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
