omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This house was built for laser tag.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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