just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
