Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize