you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
