Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
