No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
