I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
