In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Operation Purity has been aborted
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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