With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
