i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize