when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
