No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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