you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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