I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
