I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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