we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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