Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
