oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
