Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
