And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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