Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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