YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
