so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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