So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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