Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
