Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
