i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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