I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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