tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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