my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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