she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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