It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
