DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
