If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
