Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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