When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
