Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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