I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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