If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
