in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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