YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
