either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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