I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
