Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
