I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
