the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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