So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
