Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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