do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
