well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
