I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
