Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you mean i was at the winter classic?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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