she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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