Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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