I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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