i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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