mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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