I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
