i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
