I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
