Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am spending my child support on dildos
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
