I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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