FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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