Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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