tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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