How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
