ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
