mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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