what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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