dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
