It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
