He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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