Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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