had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Even my vagina gasped.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
