grandma shit on top of the toilet
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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