all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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