I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
