You're my little dorito
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
