he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
