The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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