Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
