TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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