If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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