He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
