I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize