Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Enjoy the penises
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
